Grocery Store Rules

After being back out working in grocery stores for a cookie company over the past few months, there is something that is really eating away at me and I want to take a moment to share some tips with you regarding grocery store shopping etiquette. Yes,my friends, I want to do my part to help educate the shopping public on some do's and don'ts while you are shopping somewhere like here:



or maybe here ( which is my friend We Are Not A Muse's favorite place to shop):



Or perhaps here:




While you are pushing your shopping cart around the store, ou might encounter a person stocking the shelves with some delicious cookies like:



or on the same aisle they might be building a display of:



Don't ask either of these people their opinion on the difference between the name brand or generic of the Frosted Mini Wheats, which are typically on the same aisle or close by. These guys don't know, nor do they care about your indecision regarding a cereal purchase.

On to the bread aisle, if you see somebody struggling with bread racks full of this:



or this:



please whatever you do, don't start bitching at them about how fresh the Kroger bread is or if you got a bag of Piggly Wiggly hamburger buns that had a little mold on them. Toddle your ass up to customer service and discuss your problem with them. The bread guys typically own their own bread routes, and time really is money to them. The five minutes he wastes dealing with your drivel might just cost him getting to another stop on his route before his deadline to get checked in.

On the chip aisle, if you see a guy filling up a display of Frito Lay product like this:



Don't start bitching at him about the Pringles flavor you love being out of stock or how the Kroger brand tortilla chips you bought were stale. This person drives a huge route truck that says FRITO LAY on it, and he could care less about your problem about merchandise he has no control over. Head up to customer service and ask them, or flag the store manager if his lazy ass isn't sitting in his office looking at porn on the internet.

Over on the freezer aisle, you might encounter a guy stocking frozen pizzas like this:



or a lady might be putting some ice cream in the freezer case made by:



For the love of God, please don't ask them why the frozen mixed vegetables don't come in a bigger bag or that the Sister Schubert rolls are out of stock again. These people are in that grocery store for one purpose, and that is to put their product on the shelf and move on to the next stop on their route.

Then on the refrigerated aisle, you might see a guy stocking the name brand milk like this:



whom has been out since 4am driving a truck like this:



Don't ask him about the high prices of milk and cheese attributed to the rising fuel costs. This person has no control over the store level pricing, and is a busy guy with up to 50 stops every day on his route. He just doesn't have time for the bullshit, I promise.

Over at the beer case, never ask the guy stocking this:



about the Kosher cheeses and meats available for Passover, or about the sale that Budweiser has going on this week. He does not know, does not want to know, nor does he really care about your non-Coors related questions. Ask a STORE employee to assist you, they will be able to answer your questions.

And last but not least, if a guy in a blue uniform shirt is building a footbal display with:



please don't come up to him asking about the dog food that is not on the shelf, nor bemoaning the fact that there are not enough registers open. He does not really care, no matter how much you want him to.

None of these guys can help you with the placement of the spices, the laundry detergent, the Pop Tarts, nor the Olive oil. Ask a store employee for help, they get paid to do just that.


It is perfectly acceptable,however,to ask any of the above about the product they actually sell. You can also ask them where the bathroom is,they probably can tell you the answer to that question. And another thing, those shopping carts really hurt when you run over somebody's ankle or foot with your cart. I have scars on both ankles where the skin was gouged out by some dumb ass struggling with the basket, their three screaming kids, and their all important cellphone conversation about who Buffy is sleeping with or when the tee time is. You might catch one of these people on a bad day and you will perhaps get treated with a bad attitude.

I hope this has been a helpful tutorial in grocery store etiquette,and that you all enjoyed your weekend.